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[19 Dec 2008|11:07am] |
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I am leaving the West Coast for the first time since I arrived here. After four hours on a plane I will be back in warm and familiar territory. I will be in Savannah on Christmas. Oh, home. It will be nice to get away from the melodrama that has taken up residence in my group of friends. It will be nice to see everyone I miss so dearly. It will be nice to just be for a while.
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[06 Sep 2008|10:05pm] |
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I have unpacked my bags, said hello and retreated back to my dorm. My roommate is a piggybank of trite phrases and information about every teen-soap on televison. I have been asked so many questions I can barely remember my name. I need to get used to it here. It'll be good.
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[04 Sep 2008|10:59pm] |
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My travels are over and at last I am in the place where I will be living for at the very least- the next year. The town is small, quiet, and full of humiliated trees crudely carved into the shape of bears reaching for honey, lumberjacks and my personal favorite: tree. The woman who runs the hotel I am staying in until orientation told me to stop by whenever, she also warned me to stay away from the student bus headed towards the lake because that's where all the "trouble makers" go to smoke. This is the single most exciting bit of information I have received since arriving in this time zone. I am nervous about starting school, I have to admit. I am reluctant to leave my hotel room, afraid I will run into someone that is also attending my school, looking like something that was just crawled out of a C.S. Lewis novel. I start school monday, I need someone to talk to.
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[20 Aug 2008|10:51pm] |
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. Today I got sun burned on the white sand beaches in Panama City; the water was so blue. Now I am in New Orleans, The hostel I am sleeping in is full of drunk kids and lit is with Christmas lights. It's hot here but I barely notice. I am disgusted with how much I forget becauseI'd like to remember this.
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[12 Jul 2008|05:14am] |
The weather here is nice. We drive, we listen, we laugh, we get it. It's beautiful and standing next to her car she is in her right and there is something about her new to me. I feel strangely at home whilest in Portland.
I will have pictures soon, but that can't really even capture the half of it.
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[03 Jul 2008|03:08am] |
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Last night sitting on the ground we were asked for a "smoke" by a soft spoken woman talking on her phone. After being handed the cigarette she turned to the right to light it; revealing a 7 to 8 month pregnant belly. McCall and I gathered our shit and stood up quickly. Silent and performing our best mall walk, realizing our contribution to the decreasing birth weight of the cell phone lady's unborn child we began laugh a guilt laced laugh that gave me stomach cramps. Needless to say, this isn't the only run in we've had with people saying and doing things they should never reveal to other people, in the week alone.
In the ferry terminal a one-eyed woman ranted to us about the the date 6.6.66 and let us know that Hitler's ovens were nothing compared to the wrath of Jesus Christ. She told us that Jesus hated us and called us scum as we went to sit somewhere else. The following night a woman named Patti sat down next to us and told me my birthday represented the holy trinity, she told us that Jesus did, in fact, love us and that we had a place in heaven. Getting up from where we were sitting this old man who called us girl scouts when we sat down 10 minutes earlier reminded us of one of the most important aspects of feminine hygiene by yelling "Don't forget to wash your cooters!". Walking down St. Marks Pl. tonight we checked out cheap jewelry as a group of Hasidic jews picked out a few nice bongs situated next the the "Pussy" scented massage oil. It's good to know even God's chosen people like to get their smoke on.
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[14 May 2008|10:50pm] |
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Off You- The Breeders |
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It had to happen sometime, I knew it did. I just didn't expect to be so distraught over it. People move on, I move on, he moves on, we all move on. I won't remember this in 5 years, hell, I probably won't even remember this in one year, so my hours spent this evening reasoning with and questioning just about everything that has happened in the past year or so is futile and pathetic. Yet, losing my charm with people quickly and violently seems to be an art I have perfected. Seemingly enamored with me at first, most of the people I have surrounded myself with in the past, sooner or later, leave; and not just leave, but flee. Their departure isn't the normal parting of ways that high school friends have post graduation or the drifting of close friends when new circles of friends emerge; usually it's deliberate, semi-confrontational and painful. According to him, after a few months it was just lost; my humor, my wit, my intelligence, everything that initially attracted him to me was quickly, inexplicably and definitively lost to him and that, as he said "wasn't gonna change". I don't know why I thought it might, but i'm not sure this has ever really been about him.
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[27 Apr 2008|10:38am] |
Happy Birthday.
I love you and I hope this year is good to you, because all years should be.
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[23 Apr 2008|11:18pm] |
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The weather here is so terrible and it can be sunny all day and the one chance I will get to lay in a patch of the light, it will cloud up and chill immediately. It is a shame I haven't stopped thinking about him daily, I told myself that I was smarter and possibly even stronger than he is, but if that is so; I wouldn't still cry at night. I didn't expect it to mean as much to him, but I didn't expect it to mean this little. I guess I will get over it, but it has been almost half a year and it's only slightly more clear. Everyone heads to the west to find themselves, I only hope the west will accept me.
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[16 Apr 2008|09:57pm] |
Look who's comin' here!
Rilo Kiley
+ Thao with the Get Down Stay Down & Benji Hughes
Wednesday, June 11th
The Breeders
Thursday, June 12th
EEERRY BODY GET UP HER
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[06 Apr 2008|01:01pm] |
I won an award yesterday for best high school debater at the Western North Carolina Youth Congress.
I have a purple and gold plaque with my name on it.
I couldn't stop smiling when I won but I was tremendously saddened when I realized I really had no one to call and tell, no one who would really care anyway.
I have been here for a year and things just aren't getting much easier.
I am not unhappy, just incredibly lonely.
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[08 Mar 2008|11:41am] |
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Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young |
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I have been staying by myself for 2 days. It's snowing again and if the world is melting anyway can't winter just end? I never wanted things to come to a close like this, if we ended this, we needed to do it with dignity. If we had to stop talking, it had to be for a reason that would make a better story, because this is just pathetic. I've been dreaming about teenage marriage and flying saucers and I would see what Freud had to say about that but I am a little apprehensive about knowing what is going on in my subconscious.
I also have a busted lip, which is just adding to my appearance of a blundering fool.
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[27 Feb 2008|02:35pm] |
I am trying to write a paper on "The Effect Film Has Had On Today's Society" , so for the love of god, if anyone has any suggestions for reading material that may help me with this, please speak up.
Thank you.
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| I'm not a failure, I swear. |
[07 Feb 2008|10:20pm] |
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My Slumbering Heart. |
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I have these dreams in which we are all sitting in your car, and it's obviously hot outside, but we all look perfectly comfortable, 68 degrees comes to mind. Anyway, we are all singing these songs and seem to be very happy, like we've all just gotten the best news in the world, like virtually nothing could tear us down. So, we are singing and laughing and we are somewhere I have never been before, like the pictures I've seen of the southwest, Santa Fe or somewhere near the Grand Canyon. The sky is blue and the only clouds are the Xs that planes make and the land around us is terra cotta red. In my dream state I am overcome by the feeling of home and feel comfortable and familiar with everything around me.
I wake up in bliss that is abruptly ended as a result of my cold, green surroundings, where none of you are.
I have a feeling there is a certain level of comfort that can only come from songs that were at some point sung at the top of my lungs in the back of your car.
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[04 Feb 2008|03:28pm] |
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Peter and The Wolf, Fireflies |
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My new found heart breaking abilities have been shocking to me, I sit outside of my house and on my phone and I politely ask them to leave me alone. Five of them, with such different qualities. It's not so much that they are bad, I just want nothing to do with it. I do not feel comfortable with the closeness that a relationship may provide at the moment, not again, not so soon. I need a break and then I need something bigger. I am content, if you could call it that, just bored.
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[31 Jan 2008|10:51pm] |
Red sun, going down where the boats all disappear
In my dreams I saw a thousand empty citys
papers blowing through the air
Red sun, when I'm gone, far away from all those lights
Something she can remember me by
to get us through the nights
Red sun, when I'm gone, your ancient fingers in her hair
Have you ever wanted something so bad it made you crazy
But you know if you try to reach up for it, man, it'll vanish in the air?
Well that's how I feel right now, about my days
Broken by the wind and beaten by the waves
Red sun, get me out of this one.
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[10 Jan 2008|01:51pm] |
A couple of weeks ago Emma Celeste Iocovozzi brought to my attention the existence of this video, since then, I have been looking for it, pretty much non stop and now, my friends I bring you:
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[06 Jan 2008|07:41pm] |
( I've Done Some Stuff )
This year is starting off slowly, but not exactly badly.
I am supposed to go to Hawaii next week but I think I want to go ahead and get my life started here, it's long overdue. My room has never been as messy as it is right now and for those of you who used to frequent my Savannah home, you know that is quite the accomplishment. I bought the entire OC and Gilmore Girls series, so I have been completely sucked in and talking about them as if they were real people with real problems.
It's been snowing a lot and that was cute a first but now its just cold and wet. I am, however going snowboarding tomorrow, or as my classmates call it: "Gracie falling down a hill with something strapped to her feet", which is sweet. In February I will be taking a week long road trip to southern California to look at yet another school, and I am very excited, I never really liked this town.
I am having dreams in which him and I are supposed to go into the outerspace as astronaut voyagers exploring the unknown and I chicken out at the last minute and run out of the shuttle right as it's taking off, and then I wake up.
So, overall, things are pretty good.
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